my real side

ok, sometimes people think that I'm a brave girl
sometimes people think that I'm a smart girl
but I think they're wrong
they don't know exactly who I am
don't you ever think why I wanna do anything you want? It just because I don't want anyone of you judge me like others that I am same just like you and others, I can't do this or that
i just hate if there's anyone who keep their eyes down on me, or just ignore what I do
yeah, I'm the girl that need some attention from everyone next to me
i just glad if I know someone that has a good pride
that just make me feel "oh wow, I know him/her! isn't it cool?" i  said it to my self
and if they said "oh! how come you know him/her? you're so cool! Let me know him/her more, tell me about him/her" I feel great, that means they need me to give them information
I hate if they come to me just for get some weal of me, they talk to me maybe just because if they don't they will get something bad on them, like i'm a daughter of my lecturer so if you want to get a good score you have to be good on me? oh dude, it wouldn't change anything, I never talk to my parents about what my "friends" do to me, so i't will never change anything
i don't think that I have a "real" friend because I already know how "friend" mocking their "friend" behind their back

oh dude, is it wrong?

yeah, I always do something wrong! that's me, so what?

if i could ignore what are you doing to me, what are you choosing, maybe everything will be going fine on me and others
but i can't!, that's why i feel better if i go to the place that no one know me, go to the place that no one will ask what I'm doing
maybe it will be better if I be an unknown girl

sorry if there's anyone who getting hurt after read this
if you do my real friend, just show me how huge your love is to me

that's all

hidup yang baru setelah mati suri

bismillah
akhirnya bisa mulai lagi nulis setelah beralih dari blog lama yang sudah tak terawat

akhir-akhir ini bogor kembali seperti kota bogor yang dulu
hujan sepanjang hari
ya meskipun gak sederas dulu
dan gak sedingin dulu
tapi cukup untuk membangun kenangan dimasa kecil

dulu setiap musim hujan pasti ada pohon yang roboh
hampir tiap hari hujan deras disertai badai
pagar Kebun Raya Bogor sampai ganti dua kali dalam satu tahun karena rusak dirubuhi pohon-pohon besar dan ratusan pohon bambu

mungkin agak seram kalau diingat lagi

tapi meskipun dulu bogor sering dilanda badai puting beliung
setiap sore langit bogor masih sering dihiasi kelelawar yang mulai mencari rizki-NYA
setiap petang jangkrik masih sering berlomba-lomba menggesekkan sayapnya hingga timbul suara yang indah dari si jantan untuk menarik sang betina
setiap malam kunang-kunang masih sering berlomba menyinari gelapnya Bogor di malam hari
langit petang yang terstratifikasi secara sederhana layaknya pelangi tak sempurna senantiasa menyambut petani di ladang untuk memulai menggarap tanah yang sudah ditanami selama beberapa generasi
hampir setiap siang terlihat banyak elang berbondong-bondong terbang melintasi langit Bogor yang cerah

itulah suasana Bogor saat itu... saat aku masih duduk di bangku sekolah dasar
saat semua masih cukup seimbang
saat tidak banyak orang yang serakah mengeruk tanah di sana-sini hanya untuk penghasilan yang mungkin bisa habis dalam waktu 5 tahun, sedangkan alam yang sudah memberikan manfaat bagi hidupnya dan nenek moyangnya selama jutaan tahun tega ia rusak dalam waktu beberapa bulan saja

Kira-kira akan seperti apa Bogor 10 tahun yang akan datang?

#FAR120114